Villainy: You're being silly.

Lies: Am not.

Villainy: Are so.

Lies: Am not.

Villainy: You're doing it again.

Lies: Doing what?

Villainy: Being silly.

Lies: No, I'm not! I'm suave!

Lies: My name is Buzzer....

Lies: Joy Buzzer.

Villainy: What?

Lies: I just cracked myself up, sorry.

Villainy: Lies... Darling... Have you been sneaking your roommate's crackrocks?

Villainy: Also, I pity my poor dear potential children when they come of age.

Lies: I do too.

Lies: Why?

Villainy: It seems I have the "try to set them up with every eligible male you see or hear about" gene

Lies: I have an important question. Am I the only one that thinks that people in the missionary position look like they are a spider? A giant, fleshy spider?

Villainy: Yes, you are.

Lies: http://wtv-zone.com/xxtheroguexx/authorspt/pepper/ This is just not the message I expect to see when I check for a fanfic. :)

Villiany: But the Bible is THE original fanfic!

Lies: ... 

Lies: :D

Lies: :D

Lies: :D

Villiany: The cat was asleep ontop of the phone when you sent that last text message

Villiany: FUNNIEST thing I have EVER seen in my life

Lies:  ... 

Lies:  That is wonderful.

Lies:  Did it vibrate?

Villiany: thegreekparvula: Yes.

Lies:  ... Win.

Lies: Would it be too weird if I sent you a naughty link because I need help deciphering her tattoo?

Villiany: Lies, darling, NOTHING is too weird between us.

Villiany: Quick! Let's play, "Guess the Age of the Prepusecent Self-Righteous Cracked Commenter!"

Villiany: "fuck you Says:   your an ass!! Twilight is the best and your just hating fat old man"

Villiany: Okay, time for me to go destroy the kitchen in my scavenging, and see if my mother left her laptop connected to the printer so I can get me some coloring pages and give my hands something to do

Lies: If there's no printer...

Lies: May I vote for building cities out of kitchenware?

Villiany: But I can't do that from the comfort of my own bed.

Lies: True...

Lies: Build cities out of cats? :)

Villiany: They always fall over.

Lies: I have a horrifying mental image, and I MUST SHARE THE PAIN.

[after sharing]

Villainy: See, thats why I have this adorable little censor sitting right in the front of my brain with a big REJECT stamp it applies to everything like that that will traumatize me

Lies: Mine has been taking a smoking break for the past decade. Or longer. 

Lies: I think it looked at the content of my brain, that very first day when I was an infant, and said "I quit."

Lies: If Dexter winds up the way you say, I'll give you a shiny nickel. 

Villainy: Oh, is that the going rate for prophets these days?

Lies: *nodnod* 

Villainy: Really?

Villainy: 'Cause the ones at Ren Faire ask like $40

Villainy: For the cheap deal

Lies: Sucks to be you.

Lies: This is why you always negotiate a price up-front.

Villainy: I have DECIDED. I'm going to write a romance novel, and it may or may not involve a sexy time traveler.

Lies: If it doesn't involve a sexy time traveler, we are no longer friends.

[LATER]

Villainy: (_______ _____ ___________   __________.)

Villainy: That is NOT going in the blog, by the way. If it does, I will never, EVER write a book with a sexy time traveler.

Villainy: I reallyreally want to sing, and my parents are trying to sleep, and I'm almost considering going outside where it's hot and muggy and raining and there are bugs, at 10:30, just to get a song out.

Lies: Take a REALLY BIG FLASHLIGHT.

Lies: There are GATORS.

Lies: And SPIDERS.

Lies: More important are the gators.

Villainy: This isn't Florida

Villainy: The gators hardly ever come near the houses

Lies: I didn't go out of my way to dislike you, but my InstaSetting for all of my peers was *hate*

Villainy: Mine too. I think that was why we hit it off so well. We were so surprised not to hate someone that we loved them instead.

 Lies: I am going to bake some brownies and take them to school and not give the Office Lady any.

Villainy: That's right. You show her who's boss.

Lies: Please remind me that even though I could technically rig up an eavesdropping device, that it would be wrong.

Villainy: But it would be fun AND useful!

Villainy: And a good science project too. You should always keep learning.

Lies: You are a terrible conscience. 

Lies: You're fired.

Villainy: http://www.elfwood.com/art/c/r/crisortega/image129.jpg.html 

Lies: I'm not impressed with Hades. He looks like a frat boy, not a god.

Villainy: *snickers*

Villainy: Oh, come on. I wouldn't call that frat boy

Villainy: Emo, maybe

Lies: He looks like "Huhh? Whaaa? Where's the booze?"

Villainy: No, he doesn't 

Lies: Yes, he does.

Villainy: He looks like "Behold my tortured soul! I weep! ...Ooh, hey, boobs."

Lies: Is $3000 worth killing me?

Villainy: *cough* I mean... I would be too depressed by your death to take advantage of the money

Lies: I highly recommend putting half of it into a CD or other long-term savings.

Lies: But go wild with the rest! Buy strippers! Mourn me with attractive boys thrusting their packages at you.

Villainy: *snickers*

Lies: There better be some mourning, though. I demand tears.

Lies: And possibly a child named after me.

Lies: Jesus's hair looks a bit like a penis.

Lies: http://www.museumsyndicate.com/item.php?item=12850

Villainy: *looks at you*

Villainy: *cleans out gutter*

Villainy: *wipes off brain*

Villainy: *sticks it back in your head*

Villainy: There. That's where your brain is *supposed* to go.

Lies: Awww.

Lies: "Anal-analingus! Anal-analingus! Looks like chocolate, tastes like poop!"

Villainy: .......

Villainy: VAGINA DENTATA! What a wonderful craze!

Villainy: Somethingsomething line I don't remember!

Villainy: It's a PENIS-FREEEEE girl CAVITEEEEE�

Lies: I told my roommate about the free samples I got and she said "See, this is how people become those hoarders you see on those shows where they have to stand up and say 'I'm a hoarder and I have a problem,' and people go in their houses and there's shit everywhere and it's scary and you don't want to be this sort of person, because you won't throw it away. I know you. You'll say 'I don't like the cookie now, but perhaps I'll like it in a few weeks...' and you'll put it away and then..."

Villainy: Lies, dear? Have you been sneaking crackrocks into your roommate's cereal again?

Lies: No, she came this way. Isn't it great?!

Villainy: I like how they make Cosmopolitan and InStyle and Elle and all that seem cultured and educated by labeling them "Women's Interest"

Lies: Mmm. Fair point.

Villainy: And he didn't have a gross dead deer or something on top of his truck, which I qualify as a good thing

Lies: I noticed your typo - you clearly meant to say delicious instead of gross. I understand. The keys are like right next to each other.

Lies: Villainy...

Lies: If you ever have a few thousand dollars to blow?

Lies: http://www.museumsyndicate.com/item.php?item=12852

Lies: Buy me this?

Lies: I've seen it for sale before.

Lies: Look closely at the two names. You will then go, like I did, "HOLY SHIT THAT IS AWESOME AND CREEPY AND I WANT IT."

Lies: Or you will shake your head at me.

Lies: And sigh.

Villainy: Who are they?

Lies: Two of the most interesting serial killers of all time.

Lies: John Wayne Gacy was the one who raped and murdered boys and buried them in his crawlspace. He dressed as a clown a lot.

Lies: Ed Gein was the one who created things out of the skin of dead women - like a 'woman suit' because he wanted to be one...

Villainy: *looks at you and sighs*

Villainy: And for the record, every time I grope or make out with you, it is *completely* platonic.

Villainy: Making sandwiches is hard now...

Villainy: Typically when I go down for lunch, I'll sing bits of whatever's stuck in my head while I make it. I don't know if my mother can hear me or not, but since her office isn't far from the kitchen and both doors are usually open, it's best to presume she can...

Villainy: And now I can't make my sandwich normally because all I've got stuck in my head is, "I'm a perky little porn star from Scogie, Illionois~"

Villainy: She really was crazy too. Or well, rich, so I guess that makes her eccentric.