Lies: Jesus's hair looks a bit like a penis.

Lies: http://www.museumsyndicate.com/item.php?item=12850

Villainy: *looks at you*

Villainy: *cleans out gutter*

Villainy: *wipes off brain*

Villainy: *sticks it back in your head*

Villainy: There. That's where your brain is *supposed* to go.

Lies: Awww.

Lies: "Anal-analingus! Anal-analingus! Looks like chocolate, tastes like poop!"

Villainy: .......

Villainy: VAGINA DENTATA! What a wonderful craze!

Villainy: Somethingsomething line I don't remember!

Villainy: It's a PENIS-FREEEEE girl CAVITEEEEE�

Lies: I told my roommate about the free samples I got and she said "See, this is how people become those hoarders you see on those shows where they have to stand up and say 'I'm a hoarder and I have a problem,' and people go in their houses and there's shit everywhere and it's scary and you don't want to be this sort of person, because you won't throw it away. I know you. You'll say 'I don't like the cookie now, but perhaps I'll like it in a few weeks...' and you'll put it away and then..."

Villainy: Lies, dear? Have you been sneaking crackrocks into your roommate's cereal again?

Lies: No, she came this way. Isn't it great?!

Villainy: I like how they make Cosmopolitan and InStyle and Elle and all that seem cultured and educated by labeling them "Women's Interest"

Lies: Mmm. Fair point.

Villainy: And he didn't have a gross dead deer or something on top of his truck, which I qualify as a good thing

Lies: I noticed your typo - you clearly meant to say delicious instead of gross. I understand. The keys are like right next to each other.

Lies: Villainy...

Lies: If you ever have a few thousand dollars to blow?

Lies: http://www.museumsyndicate.com/item.php?item=12852

Lies: Buy me this?

Lies: I've seen it for sale before.

Lies: Look closely at the two names. You will then go, like I did, "HOLY SHIT THAT IS AWESOME AND CREEPY AND I WANT IT."

Lies: Or you will shake your head at me.

Lies: And sigh.

Villainy: Who are they?

Lies: Two of the most interesting serial killers of all time.

Lies: John Wayne Gacy was the one who raped and murdered boys and buried them in his crawlspace. He dressed as a clown a lot.

Lies: Ed Gein was the one who created things out of the skin of dead women - like a 'woman suit' because he wanted to be one...

Villainy: *looks at you and sighs*

Villainy: And for the record, every time I grope or make out with you, it is *completely* platonic.